Big Spoon!

Through out the years I have been to wedding showers, graduation parties and baby showers. During

these events one thing remains the same, giving sage advise to the person entering a new stage of life. I always offer the same story that has helped keep my marriage strong and adds a bit of humor to our life. Let me share with you the Big Spoon Issue story that inspired a whole new way I communicate with my husband.

When my husband and I were first living together things were all smiles and sweet talk. You know, the newlywed stage, where everything is cute and nothing could ever be wrong. This faded and the little things that I couldn't see before started to bug me. One day I was loading the dishwasher and found a large serving style spoon in the sink. I was very annoyed by this and even more annoyed that it bothered me. I fully understood that it was not a big deal and I should move on, but I just couldn't. I decided that I needed to express this annoyance. I took a deep breath and asked to share something with my husband.

I made sure to choose my words carefully because this little nothing could become a big something if the wording was not correct. Explaining that I fully understood that this was not something I should be upset about but I was still upset helped my husband understand I was not attacking him for his actions. I went on to explain that using the big spoon bugged me because it was a serving spoon for when we have company. As the words left my mouth I heard how crazy I sounded. I acknowledged that a spoon is to be used and the reasoning does not matter .

When I was done expressing my issue I was surprised that I felt better about the use of the spoon. It was no longer a huge issue for me and I felt a little silly for it bothering me in the first place. It also felt good that someone else understood my annoyance to the item, even if he didn't understand the why.

I share this story because so often we fight with those close to us because these little annoyances are not acknowledged. They are left to fester and build until we become a pressure cooker of little issues. We blow up at the person and let all the things that have been building up hit the person with one large blow. The chance to sit back and think about what is bothering us has left and we are in a state of now, no longer able to have perspective.

The Big Spoon has now become code words in our home. It is a way for us to express that we are annoyed with something. Whatever it is that we are annoyed with is acknowledged to be a non-issue item but an annoyance that we would like changed if possible. Letting the other person know you are bothered but fully understand that it is not a life or death situation has allowed us to laugh at items that may have never been discussed.